It’s 8am on a Saturday and your little one is having his first tantrum of the day – the screaming and kicking doesn’t seem to be letting up anytime soon!
It’s taking all your self-control not to join your child in meltdown-mode. Understandably, dealing with tantrums can be an incredibly frustrating thing, but it is part and parcel of growing through the years as children learn to communicate and assert their needs and desires. While we cannot avoid them, we can definitely learn how to make managing the behaviour much easier.
The making of a tantrum
It is important to understand where the frustration of a tantrum comes from. Remember, we’ve got years of experience dealing with emotional ups and downs, whereas every day is a new burst of highs and lows for our kids. They will encounter stressful or frustrating events that they haven’t had the time or ability to learn to cope with yet, so screaming and crying is the easiest way for them to express those emotions.
Tantrums arise from a simple need to communicate, may it be that they’re hungry or tired. When they’re very little, it is about communicating needs. When they grow up a little, it becomes about communicating wants. However, because children don’t yet have all the skills to communicate as clearly as adults can, they struggle with the appropriate emotional response.
The science behind a tantrum is interesting: research has shown that during tantrums, emotions easily override areas of the brain that provide for rationality and judgement; this part of the brain does not fully develop until much later in young adulthood.
Recognising your child’s triggers is key to stemming off and/or addressing tantrums. So, observe your child: is the frustration just beginning to bubble, or has anger already taken over? If you’ve noticed some anger brewing, ask your child if they need some alone time, but it’s important to guide your child back to the situation once they’ve had a chance to regroup.
If it is the latter, then it’s also recommended to try to give your child some space to calm down before approaching them. While this might sound counter-productive, there is not much you can say to them since their reasoning abilities are being overshadowed by the anxiety and anger of a tantrum. Once the anger has ebbed, then approach them.
Keep calm and carry on
Here’s a simple but effective tip that will do wonders in many situations: keep your voice and facial expressions calm as you explain consequences and try to quell the tantrum. From here on out, don’t back down!
Of course, the real challenge is actually keeping your cool, and being firm with your consequences when you know that just giving in to a simple ice cream treat will make the screaming stop. But escalating your tone will only rile children up more, and giving in will only teach them that if they scream long enough, they get their way.
A big reason why many children throw tantrums is to get attention, or to seek a response from you that they were not getting while they were calm – no matter if the attention is positive or negative. Maintaining a cool tone of voice will help your child to calm down quicker now that they understand tantrums are a waste of their effort.
If you feel yourself getting tense, don’t be afraid to ask your partner, relative or friend to help out while you take a break from meltdown-duty to recompose!
Once emotions have cooled, don’t forget to hug your kiddo close to give them some positive reinforcement for calming down. Ignoring them after a tantrum or showing anger towards them won’t help; in fact, it’ll only prove to little ones that a tantrum definitely works to get your attention!
At the end of the day, kids have to know that even though you did not agree with their choices at the time and still stand by your consequences, you love them unconditionally. Instead, just enjoy the cuddles – affection is a sure way to chase away the bad feelings and welcome in the good!
Brought To You By Integrated Internationl School IIS
