People who feel the social pressure to achieve perfection tend to think that the better they do, the better they are expected to do.
So their search for absolute perfection is a painful, never ending, pursuit which can negatively impact their work productivity, relationships and ultimately their emotional wellbeing.
Do you strive for perfectionism? Here are the signs of perfectionism that may put you at risk of extreme stress, anxiety, anger and depression.
- Struggle to get things done on time
Perfectionists tend to fix things that are not quite broken. Their creativity and productivity are compromised as a result because they are in a constant battle with the "what ifs" and "expectation of negative outcomes" that preoccupy their thoughts, and the stress can be overwhelming when trying to complete a task or a project on time.
- Difficulty in allowing and forgiving mistakes
Perfectionists are often too critical of themselves and others. Instead of seeing mistakes as a learning opportunity, perfectionists do not allow, or forgive, their own mistakes. When a mistake occurs, they tend to berate themselves for being not good enough, and these thoughts preoccupy their mind to their own detriment.
- Inability to fully acknowledge their own achievement
Perfectionists do not tend to enjoy and celebrate their own success fully, because it is never good enough, even though the desired outcome is successfully accomplished. There is always something not quite right, they believe they could, and should, have done better by finding flaws in themselves or others. As a result, they can never truly feel the joy of satisfaction and acknowledge their success.
- Avoidance of taking on challenges that may cause potential failure
Perfectionists like to stick with what they know. They have the propensity to turn down opportunities that require them to develop more skills, or move outside of their comfort zone. They are fearful of not being good enough when tackling a new learning curve that may potentially cause failure.
- Fear of judgement by others
Perfectionists are intensely afraid of being judged by others. They would rather cover up their insecurities by leading others to view them as perfect, even if their world is in a disastrous state. They do not allow others to see them as vulnerable and they never share about their challenges or failures.
How can you lessen the power that perfectionism has on you?
Understand the distinction between "perfectionism" and "excellence". Perfectionists are primarily driven by their fear of judgement from others. People who strive for excellence, on the other hand are motivated by their strong desire to succeed for personal satisfaction rather than gratification from others. Their achievements are not generated by the opinions of others or fear of failure. Successful people build upon their failures, instead of hiding from them.
Consider that a mistake is simply something you did that did not work for you. Mistakes are not bad or wrong, these are judgements. You can ask for support, bearing in mind that asking for support is not a sign of weakness, there is no shame because we all make mistakes. A mistake gives you the opportunity to take a look and see what you can do differently next time. This supports you in striving for excellence, because there is always learning to help you move forward.
Accept 'imperfections' by lowering your standards and expectations, set yourself attainable, realistic ideals and goals. Acknowledge that in general society today is bombarded with media that portray unrealistic standards of existence, we get easily sucked in and believe these inflated and embellished paradigms. Consistently reminding yourself of this will help you get things into perspective.
Recognise the pull of your need to be seen as perfect. You can do this by noticing for yourself when you experience extra stress and anxiety as a result of overcompensating or when comparing yourself to others. Acknowledge yourself for the accomplishments you achieved at the end of your day, no matter how small they may seem. Make this a practice, instead of looking back at all the things that did not work and putting yourself down or beating yourself up.
As you begin to practice self-acceptance and focus on the things you have accomplished your perfectionism will slowly diminish. Letting go of the need to dwell on limitations or deficiencies will allow you to feel better about yourself and focus your energy on achievable growth.
Overcoming perfectionist tendencies can be a daunting task. Seeking help from an experienced life coach is key because you can never 'self coach' and you will always need someone to hold up the mirror of your perfectionism so that you can transform your limiting beliefs and be in control of your life.
Get in touch and schedule a chat to begin your coaching journey with me so that you can begin to move forward in a safe and structured way that will transform your life forever.
Graham Kean, MA (Psych), MMC (IAC)
"I work with expats to create a pathway to their success in career progression, fulfilling relationships, enhanced wellness & living a happier life. You will explore life-changing solutions with me to make real & lasting transformation."
