Working independently in his own practice, Leonardo Talpo has several years experience as an educator and counsellor in the field of Human Relationships.
Yesterday, I read this news of a 46-year-old man that fell to his death from a Novena Suites condominium block here in Singapore, while a 44-year-old woman believed to be the man’s wife was found dead in a residential unit within the same block.
Every time I read these already too frequent news reports from around the world - a husband kills his wife, other cases his wife and himself, and some other cases his wife his children and himself, my heart breaks. I feel distressed because I know how immense is the tragedy for that family, and I also feel frustrated because I know a better alternative is available and more education is needed in the field of marriage.
I am not sure why, the real reason that led this couple to death, I am not making any speculation because investigation is undergoing, but in many cases is because there is too much pain in the marriage, and pain brings anger, jealousy, resentment, solitude, depression, desperation, separation and divorce.
When a marriage is in serious trouble is like a cancer, it can destroy everything, but if it is diagnosed in time, in many cases it can be cured; you are not the only one facing the challenge! We need to acquire more knowledge, more skills in the business of marriage because we simply don’t know, and there is a lot we need to learn.
The real work needs to be done before getting in trouble, no after, because too often is too late. And let me tell you, very often even couple counseling doesn’t work because the heart of one or both partners is already too dry, too much resentment, anger, and sometime another alternative, a new partner in the horizon sounds a better deal.
Trust is gone as well the willingness to fight for it, to endure, to find a way out; partners are unhappy and daily life become meaningless; a multitude of negative emotions takes over, they feel trapped and in constant pain.
Asking for help for many is also a problem because there is still a lot of stigma around this area, a lot of fear others will know about it, a component of shame because we believe we are the only one with that problem, without considering 50% of the world married population is consistently divorcing and guessing another 30 percent is struggling.
Waiting does not help improve your marriage! Successful couples develop through a process of self-study, education, trust, respect, commitment, love, effective communication, forgiveness and sustained healthy intimacy.
Love is not only a feeling; it’s a work in progress!
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